A large gathering of Gotham's elite, and the middle class were at
Gotham St. Cathedral waiting for the wedding of Wayne Boring and Gail
Simone to take place. Mayor Judge Boring looked at his watch as
his son got prepared for the biggest day in his life; several of his
“best” friends wore white tuxes that contrasted with the
dreary Gotham atmosphere. When Wayne put his coat on, he slid a
pink tulip in his lapel, and then prepared to walk out for the ceremony
to begin. Present were a small contingent of Gotham's finest, the
National Guard and the Mayor's own private bodyguards. National
news coverage from the Gotham Central News were present, so was
Metropolis Headline News, and WGBS-TV News.
Across town, the Batmobile was parked in front of the Laugh Hut; a
derelict comedy club. The front of the building was missing due
to the cancellation of it's scheduled demolishing. Inside, the
Batman and his sidekick, Robin scoped out the place with
flashlights. There was a green liquid trail on the floor near
Robin, and he bent down to examine it when the Batman noticed it as
well. He walked over and put his hand on Robin's shoulder. A wag
of his finger told the boy wonder not to touch it.
Further up from the green liquid was splatter of blood and a melted
pile of blood covered bones. Robin placed his palm over his mouth
as he felt bile rise up. The Batman walked over, the darkness covering
his movements. He pulled a small vial from one of his right side
belt pouches and took a sample. Then stood up, and looked at
Robin. He was trying to contain his stomach contents and it was a
hard task. The Batman walked over and placed a hand on Robin's
shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Robin's eyes widened
and then he took a deep breath and relaxed.
“W-what now?” asked Robin; color returning to his face.
“I need to examine this sample, but time is crucial with the
Joker loose.”
“Let me pick up his trail,” said Robin; a jubilant smile
formed on his face.
“It's too dangerous. He's unlike any foe you have ever tangled
with.”
Robin's face fell, as the Batman walked by him toward the Batmobile.
Robin ran in front of the Batman and spread his arms apart blocking the
Batman's path.
“I can handle it, trust me!” he said.
“He'd kill you with out compunction, the answer is no.”
“Come on,” said Robin, “I can do it!”
The Batman stared hard at his partner; though Robin couldn't see his
eyes, he knew that the Batman was giving him the glare he reserved for
the criminals they fought.
“I'm going to give you this one chance. You foul it up, and
you're through.”
“I know that,” he said. “So, I'll pick up his
trail; you perform your tests.”
The Batman turned away, and walked around Robin toward the Batmobile.
“Keep in touch.”
“I will.”
Once the Batman pulled away, Robin searched the Laugh Hut for further
clues.
The Joker tilted his head, a big smile on his face as he pulled on the
white cheeks of the dear departed bride to be. He then laughed,
as one of the female inmates had finished dolling herself up in the
deceased bride to be's wedding gown. Underneath her gown was a
potent airborne version of the Joker toxin that the Joker had whipped
up for an extra special occasion, and now seemed like a good one. He
walked up to the woman who was going to commit the fiendish plot and
placed his hand on her back.
“This will be a REAL gasser,” he said. “Make
sure to give them a good show dear.”
The woman underneath the veil nodded and he giggled to himself
mischievously.
“Good, now get going!”
He slapped the woman on the ass, and watched as she walked out of the
room.
Robin dug through some of the garbage lying around the Laugh Hut, and
found an invite to a wedding. He opened the invite up, and it was
an invitation to the wedding of Wayne Boring and Gail Simone. His
eyes widened as he recognized the first name, and he ran outside just
as a taxi came by. He waved it down.
“Where to, kid?”
“Gotham St. Cathedral, and step on it!”
“You got it,” said the taxi driver.
Several moments ago, Batman walked up the ramp of the turntable toward
his crime lab where he could examine the evidence. He placed the
sample in a chemical solution, and began running tests. After a
few moments, he managed to discover what killed the person through
chemical reactions in the tests he performed. He then examined
the dirt with a simple microscope, and saw that it was common dirt
build up from lack of proper upkeep. But, there was something
else. He pulled a slight piece of wood from the fragment; it was
cherry wood, an expensive building material, which rich people used to
build just about anything. The only cherry wood he knew to be in
Gotham was at the Gotham St. Cathedral, which was paid for by a corrupt
urban renewal act by the current mayor for his brother who ran the
Gotham St. Cathedral.
He raced back to the Batmobile after Alfred had restocked its supply
cabin, and jumped inside. As soon as the turntable faced the
runaway, he barreled out toward the back roads that he often used to
get into Gotham.
Wayne stood where he was supposed to wait for the bride. A wide
smile on his face, and the best friends that money could buy beside
him. He almost felt like he could finally put away all of the bad
memories of his childhood. When the music began to play, he held
his hands in front of him and waited as the bride came down the
aisle. A veil covering her face, and her ample curves not quite
filling up the dress. It appeared she had lost some weight since
this morning. But, he paid no mind to it. He held out his
hand for her, and when she took it, that's when he knew it wasn't his
Gail.
“W-who are you?” he asked.
She pulled up the veil, and smiled. Before she could pull the
cord that would release the toxin, a Batarang nicked her hand.
She looked, and saw Robin, the boy wonder at the end of the aisle.
“Stupid brat!”
“That's what everyone calls me, and yet I outsmarted you.”
He smiled, but his smile faded when the woman pulled a gun from her
garter belt, and held Wayne hostage. She backed away toward the
side entrance where the priest would enter. And Robin kept his
distance until she was through; then and only then did he give chase.
The Joker watched, as his little lovebird passed by with Wayne Boring
in hand, and he saw Robin corner her near the chambers of the
pastor. He snuck up behind Robin, and belted him with the butt of
the handle of his revolver. Robin hit the oak floor hard.
“Ha!” said Joker. “I caught myself a little
birdie!”
His girl squealed in delight, as she kept her gun at Wayne's
temple. She then looked at Wayne and said in a low voice.
“What do we do with him?”
“Kill him, of course.”
The Joker looked down at Robin with his emerald eyes – eyes that
were riddled with madness. He grabbed the boy by his collar, and
lifted him up. Already it was apparent on his face that his
devious mind was at work.
“I have a plan, but first we need to get upstairs.”
“Kay, Joker.”
“Quickly my dear.”
The Joker allowed her to lead with Wayne while he carried Robin with
him. It was just at that moment the Batmobile arrived, and the
Batman could see the panic on the Mayor's face. The Batman
climbed out of the Batmobile, and the Mayor ran up to him.
“I hate you with all of my being – but save my son!”
The Batman nodded, and he looked up to where he noticed movement in the
bell tower. He pulled mini-binoculars from his belt pouch, and
saw that the Joker had Robin and Wayne. The Batman pulled a
rocket-powered grapnel from his left side middle belt pouch, and fired
it. Within moments he was hoisted up to the bell tower where the
Joker awaited him.
The Batman set himself down, and walked onto the platform where he
could see Robin tied to one bell and Wayne to another. The bells hung
near the ledges of both sides with two hammers on either side of them
that would hit them every hour. In his mind he calculated the
distance, and then tried to decipher the Joker's plan.
“Two for the price of one, darling!” said Joker.
“You know how this goes, so don't try and toy with me.”
“No, we're way past that.”
“Aw, did I hurt your
poor feelings?”
The Batman didn't say another word. He simply walked toward the
Joker. The Joker clicked his tongue against the roof of his
mouth, and the Batman paused.
“One more step, and I'll kill both of them.”
“You know who I am – I don't play games.”
“But, this is the best of games, sweet heart!”
The Joker's smile faded when he saw the Batman still had the same
indifferent look on his face.
“Can't you do anything, but look at me with such coldness?!”
The Batman's expression never changed, but a dark shadow covered the
lower half of his face. All the Joker could see was the white
lens of his mask. He could not tell what his precious was
thinking, or what look he was given.
Anger swept over him, and he made a cutthroat gesture to his female
accomplice. The Batman rushed the Joker, sending his knee hard
into the Joker's ribs shattering them and his fist connected with the
Joker's face knocking loose some teeth. The Joker hit the wooden
floor with a thud, and looked up at his dear, sweet with loving eyes.
“I knew you cared...”
The Batman raced over, as the hammers started to draw back. He
flung two Batarangs to jam up the ones that would crush Robin, and
poured a vial of acid on Wayne's bindings. He then ran over, and
used his knife to cut Robin loose. They had just cleared the bell
when the gears of the hammers had built up so much pressure that they
exploded, sending shrapnel flying in every which direction. The
Batman and Robin shoved Wayne down, but the Joker's accomplice was not
so fortunate.
“T-thank you,” said Wayne, and he then fainted.
After the Joker was carted away, Commissioner Gordon saw to the care of
Mayor Boring and his son – he then went into a dark corner where
the Batman and Robin lurked.
“Poor kid, lost his only love.”
“It's tragic.”
“To think, all of this started because of what some quack
said.”
“No,” said the Batman, as he and Robin retreated into the
night. “The Joker never needs a reason to do what he does
– never give them an excuse.”
Commissioner Gordon turned and saw they were gone, the distant sound of
a roaring engine confirmed it. He sighed, and walked away.
~ THE END ELSEWORLD'S
FINEST: Thanks to all of you sticking around for this story. I've
never really felt confident in my writing of the Batman, or Superman
– but I think these past few stories has relieved that problem a
bit. I don't think this was my best work, though. I think
there were things I could have done different, but as is, I hope the
story was enjoyable, and that you were entertained. Or, if you
hated it – you will say so. Any criticism is welcome in my
book.
As for my depiction of the Joker, it was reading Dark Knight Returns
for what was probably a billionth time that I realized that Miller's
depiction was Cesar Romero's portrayal of the Joker with the campiness
toned down and the mania and darkness played up. Many of you
might, or might not remember Cesar Romero, but he was an incredible
dramatic actor. I used to be a big fan of the Batman television
series with Cesar Romero being my favorite depiction of the Joker until
Jack Nicholson came along and did his interpretation. I still
think Romero did one of the top five best portrayals of the Batman's
deadliest enemy, and deserved the peace and recognition he's gotten as
an iconic media star.
